he shaved USA in his pubs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
