i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
