how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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