Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
