Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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