Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
