i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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