WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
