I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
