The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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