Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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