i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
