My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
