i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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