Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
