You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
