Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
