Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
