i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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