It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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