good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
