Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
