so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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