Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
