I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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