I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
