i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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