I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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