somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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