the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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