I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so let's talk penis.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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