Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
