No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
