How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
