i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found puke in my bra..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
