well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
