Pregnant stripper...not hot.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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