she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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