i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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