Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Enjoy the penises
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
