So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I understand Curling. That high.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
