I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
