I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
