I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
