My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
did i just pee glitter
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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