I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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