She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
