why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
