Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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