how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
