We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
