The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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