Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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